the spine
A strong spine
is your yes and your no. Reaching first. Standing in your desire without apologizing for it. Staying through the awkward conversation instead of ghosting. Being someone people can actually count on.
A two-month, in-person program · Lisbon ✳
Strong Spine,Soft Heart.
Putting the power to build deep bonds back in your hands.
Oct. 13thDec. 13th
01 hear me out
you know this feeling.
Something cracked open in you and you felt this sense of belonging and intimacy. Maybe you were at a temple, on a dance floor or at a simple dinner table with your people. You were touched, seen, felt so utterly alive. You thought: this. This is what I've been missing. And you could feel the whole room thinking the same.
You keep tasting it. And you keep losing it.
A couple of days later it evaporates, and you're back to a life that feels full and may even look fulfilling from the outside. And still, underneath it, there's a loneliness.
So you wait. For the next event. For someone else to text first. For the friends who'll finally show up. For the right city, the right partner, the right facilitator.
Here's the uncomfortable truth: nobody's coming to build the connection you long for for you.
And here's the good news hiding in there: you can be the one who does. The one who reaches first. Who says what they want. Who stays when it gets awkward. Who lets people close enough for it to matter.
The questions I have:
Who tf holds your hand at the thresholds and whose hand are you holding?
02 why this exists
why this exists.
After six years of creating so-called conscious spaces, here's what I've come to see:
We go to events because that's where we get to taste a special kind of closeness. And thank the goddess those spaces exist. But back in our ordinary lives, it's hard to initiate that kind of depth or keep any of it alive. So we go to the next event. And the next one. The next.
We've created a dependency on facilitated spaces for connection, and everyday life stays lonely. That's dangerous, especially now, with isolation, disembodiment and mental health struggles on the rise. Temples, ecstatic dances, workshops, breathwork, kirtan… these spaces have a valuable place in the world.
But aren't you tired of paying, exhausted from opening yourself to strangers again and again, done with outsourcing your responsibility to feel connected in the ways you want to feel connected?
The bubble served its purpose. It gave us a taste of what's possible. Now we want it where we live, with our people. A return to ordinary life but this time filled with the flavors we know it can have.
And after working with about 2,000 people, I don't think connection falls apart because we're too busy. It falls apart because most of us are missing one of two things.
03 the idea
strong spine, soft heart?
the heart
A soft heart
is letting people in. Receiving without flinching. Being seen in the mess. Feeling your pleasure, your grief, your longing, all of it.
Most of us are pretty good at one and a bit of a disaster at the other (no judgment, it’s a journey).
Strong spine, no heart
Independent AF, capable, "I'm fine, I don't need anyone." Admired. Armored. Lonely.
Both, at the same time
Neither one builds anything that lasts. Deep bonds need both, at the same time. That's the whole art of it.
Soft heart, no spine
You open up a lot, give and give, say yes when you mean no, dissolve into everyone else, and go home drained and still unmet.
04 what this is
what this is.
Think: two months with the same twelve humans. Short online sessions where I share the research and frameworks behind it all and answer your questions. Ritual days designed for you to live it, in your body, with the group. And latest by the closing weekend, you're the ones creating and holding rituals for each other (with the option to stay overnight, and I’m bringing a sauna too).
- 12humans, the same faces throughout
- 2months, October to December
- 4online sessions with me
- 46-hour ritual days
- 11:1 with me
- 1closing weekend, with a sauna
You don't just receive the magic, you’ll know how to make it.
Strong Spine, Soft Heart is a ritual container where you get to practice being that person. Not by working on yourself, but by playing, touching, desiring, grieving, celebrating and relating, in your body, with others, over and over, long enough for it to stick.
It's the opposite of another self-improvement program. There's no version of you you're supposed to become and nothing about you that needs fixing. You come for the nourishment, the fun, the touch, the creativity. The spine and the heart grow on their own.
Btw. I'm not blind to the irony that I'm writing this for yet another program. The difference: this one is here to destroy itself. It's built to fill you with so much life, confidence and inspiration that you need spaces like it less, not more.
05 how it works
how it works.
So yes, we're dropping the agenda: there's no outcome you're supposed to reach and no version of yourself you're supposed to become. But that doesn't mean there's no structure. The whole thing is built on three pillars, and each one gets a short online session with me, followed a few days later by a 6-hour ritual day where you live it in your body.
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Oct 13 – Nov 28
the three pillars
For each pillar: an online session with me, then a few days later a 6-hour ritual day.
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Nov 30 – Dec 2
your 1:1 with me
Just you and me.
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Dec 12 + 13
closing weekend
You create and hold rituals for each other.
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Initiating connection
The spine work. Arriving, reaching first, asking for what you want, and making agreements that are actually a form of care. This is where you stop hovering at the edge of the room waiting to be chosen.
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Nurturing connection
The heart work, warm and hot. Warm: presence, tenderness, generosity, and learning to receive without flinching. Hot: desire, pleasure, ecstasy, the part that reminds you you're not here to manage yourself, you're here to live.
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Staying in connection
Where spine and heart have to show up together. What happens after the honeymoon, after the fight, after the magic wears off and Tuesday comes back. Rupture and repair, shadow, loving without losing yourself, grief.
06 what actually happens in there
what actually happens in there.
Here's the thing nobody tells you about deep bonds: they're built on pretty unsexy stuff. It takes more than 200 hours together before someone becomes a close friend (some nerdy actual science facts). Showing up again after the magic has worn off. Reaching out first when it's scary. Celebrating each other's wins for real. Going through the hard stuff together instead of alone. Coming back after a rupture instead of quietly disappearing.
Sounds simple. It isn't.
Because the moment you actually try, you bump into yourself. The fear of being too much. The habit of waiting to be chosen. The urge to ghost when it gets awkward. The part of you that's great at ecstasy and allergic to Tuesday.
That's what this container is for. Think of it as a living laboratory: twelve people, two months, the same faces. And in relating, again and again, you get to notice how you actually function in connection, and rub up against the parts of you that stand in the way of the bonds you want. Not because we sit around doing inner work (we don't), but because that's simply what happens when you keep showing up with the same people.
This isn't about finding your forever people in this group (although who knows). It's about being someone who can find them in life and build there with them.
07 the ripple
the ripple.
And that's where the village comes in.
We've lost the simple art of being a villager. Villages always had rituals for the moments that matter: the births, the deaths, the heartbreaks, the celebrations. We kept the ecstasy and forgot the rest.
I know what it's like to have neither. A year ago I had an abundance of friends and no one who showed up at my door when I was at my worst (which is on me, I focused on business rather than deepening my local relationships).
Today I have a village.
People who stand in front of my door with soup when I'm sick. Who call me when their baby kept them up all night and they need someone to babysit so they can nap. Who also go raving with me, meet for non-verbal dinners, and sit in ritual together to put love spells on someone's crush. What got me there were the pillars and rituals this program is built on.
A village isn't found. It's made, by people with strong spines and soft hearts.
Imagine a world full of those. Yum.
08 is this for you?
is this for you?
This is for you if:
- You're the one who always opens up, always gives, always holds, and still goes home feeling unmet.
- Or you're the capable, independent one who's great at doing life alone and not so great at letting anyone in.
- You're fluent in the language of healing and growth and honestly a bit tired of working on yourself. You want to feel alive, not fixed.
- You've felt the magic in a temple, on a dance floor or at a dinner table, and watched it slip away every time.
- You have friends, maybe even a full social life, but not the people you'd call at 3am.
- Embodied and erotic work excites you more than it scares you.
It's probably not for you if:
- You've never done any embodiment or ritual work at all. We go deep fairly quickly, so some familiarity helps.
- You're looking for therapy or support through a crisis. This is a ritual container, not a therapeutic one.
- You'd rather watch from the side. Everyone co-creates here.
The group is mixed gender and mixed orientation, on purpose. If you feel the pull, apply, and we'll figure out together whether it's a fit.
09 what you'll walk out with
what you'll walk out with.
No promises here, babes. This isn't a transformation program and I'm not selling you a new version of yourself. But I've never seen anyone go through a long-format group and not walk out with a different imprint of what connection is and takes. Here's what tends to happen:
on the spine side
You'll feel more confident being the one who chooses: who texts first, invites, asks. You'll say your yes and your no with less apologizing. And you'll know what it feels like to stay through the awkward bit instead of disappearing.
on the heart side
You'll know what it feels like to be truly met, in a room where you give as much as you receive. You'll feel more alive, more creative, more turned on to your own life. And you'll know in your body that you matter and have something to give, because you'll have watched it land in other people.
And you'll know how to make ritual yourself, with the tools to deepen the friendships you already have into ones that actually hold.
And if none of that happens? You'll still have spent two months being nourished AF by a group of beautiful humans. Not the worst deal.
10 meet your facilitator
public/images/host-portrait.jpg
marry mae
they/she
Not quite a decade ago, humans and their bodies became my special interests. That obsession led me into years of training as a sex and kink educator, a stint as a relationship and sex therapist (retired now), and six years of creating and holding erotic ritual spaces as the founder of Lisbon Temple Nights.
I've worked with about 2,000 people at this point, which means I've gathered a ridiculous amount of data on how humans actually function when intimate connection enters the chat. My work blends psychological depth and grounded spirituality with a deeply human, zero-bullshit approach.
And I'm not guiding this just from a textbook. Everything in this container is what allowed me to establish strong AF bonds that make my life feel colorful, every day, even on the darker days.
11 the practical stuff
the practical stuff.
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Oct 13 · Oct 27 · Nov 10 · Nov 24
Online sessions
Teaching + Q&A, 7–8:30pm
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Oct 17 · Oct 31 · Nov 14 · Nov 28
In-person ritual days
3–9pm, at Kalā Caparica
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Nov 30 – Dec 2
Your 1:1 with me
Booked between these dates
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Dec 12 + 13
Closing weekend
At The Shanti Space, with the option to stay overnight (and yes, there's a sauna)
Group size: max 12. For real.
Investment
Full program
€890 + VAT
Everything: sessions, ritual days, your 1:1 and the closing weekend.
Payment plan
3 × €297 + VAT
Three monthly payments: October, November and December.
Assistant spot
€490 + VAT
You help out with set-up, clean-up and casual tasks during the events, and still take part in it all.
12 how to join
how to join.
Because this work is intimate, everyone starts with a short application and a call with me. I want to make sure the room is right for you and right for everyone in it.
- Fill out the application.
- Book your discovery call right after sending it.
- If we both feel the yes, you're in.
Doors close Oct. 12th. The circle forms then.
Apply here13 curious for more?
curious for more?
what even is ritual?
No spiritual fluff here but a lot of magic. A ritual is simply a structured experience with a clear beginning and end, clear agreements, and an intention the whole group shares. Humans have always done this to mark what matters. It’s a way to create and process beyond the mind.
And it works: studies show people going through a ritual together literally sync up their heart rates. Rituals help people move through loss, even people who don't "believe" in them. And going through something hard together bonds people in a way doing it alone doesn't. Think about weddings and funerals and birthdays. Same, same.
what about the eroticism?
Let's be clear: this is not a sexual space, and you won't be asked to be sexual with anyone.
Eroticism here is simply part of being alive: desire, pleasure, sensuality, being turned on by your own life. It shows up the way it does in a full life, woven in rather than at the center. There might be a ritual around self-pleasure, for example, but moments like that will be the minority. Most of our time is spent in the wider spectrum of being human: belonging, tenderness, play, grief, celebration.
Every invitation can be declined, and opting out is part of the practice, not a failure of it.
why in person?
Long-term in-person containers have become rare. Rent prices have skyrocketed, and the online world is simply more convenient to make money in. As tempting as that is, it's not where my heart is. Bodies need bodies.
In one study, holding a stranger's hand calmed people's brains a little under stress, while holding the hand of someone they trusted calmed them a lot. That trust takes time and repetition to build. You can't do it through a screen, and you can't do it in one evening.
14 faq
faq.
Can I still join if I can't make every session?
The program is one journey, and the depth comes from moving through it together, so it's made for people who can be there for (almost) all of it. If you already know you'll miss one, tell me on our call and we'll see if it still works.
I don't know anyone. Is that weird?
Most people come alone. Arriving and connecting from zero is literally the first pillar.
Do I have to do anything I don't want to?
Nope. Your no is always welcome.
I’m single / partnered / queer / straight / a man… Is this for me?
The group is mixed gender and mixed orientation, on purpose. If you're drawn to it, apply.
Is this therapy?
No. It's a ritual container. Things will come up, and they'll be held with care, but if you're in crisis or need therapeutic support, please reach out to a therapist first. Happy to talk it through on our call.
What do I need to bring?
You'll get all the details once you're in. Mostly: comfy clothes and yourself.
What if I need to cancel?
Life happens, and I also have a small group and real costs to hold. So here's how it works:
- Cancel before Oct 6 and you get a full refund, minus €150 to cover admin and the spot I held for you.
- After that, or once we've started, there are no refunds. But you can pass your spot on to someone else (after a short call with me).
- If you're on the payment plan, the remaining payments are still due if you leave after we've started.
- Missed sessions can't be refunded or made up, since the program is one journey.
- If I have to cancel, you get everything back, no questions asked.
And if something big happens, like a family emergency, talk to me. I'm a human, not a policy.